“Joy is the goal of existence, and joy is not to be stumbled upon, but to be achieved, and the act of treason is to let its vision drown in the swamp of the moment’s torture.” ― Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged
After reflecting upon my ups and downs of 2013, I took time to think on what I want most out of my time in 2014. I’m not one for resolutions. I don’t feel a sense of renewal once a new year begins. For me, it’s just another day with another opportunity. I’m still the same person as I was the day before. My experiences flow into the next and the positivity I feel now in pole dancing is only a continuation of what I’ve been experiencing from the end of 2013. But since everyone else is writing about goals, resolutions, intentions and what have you, it gives me a chance to be open and talk about what’s going on for me.
2013 closed on a high note when I discovered a renewed love in incorporating free-style, contemporary dance and exploration with my pole dance routine. Not having a background in dance, I was challenged to push my boundaries when expressing my emotions through my movements. Before that, I’ve been relying on a mechanical style of dance. (You tell me to step left, I’ll step left. You tell me to invert, I’ll invert.) But where was my heart? From now on, I intend to tap into my emotions, to embrace that vulnerability and “let it all out” every time I dance.
That train of thought leads me to fear. There are moments, when I’m several feet off the floor and I freak out. My hands become clammy and I stop trusting my body. My grip weakens and I decide that I can’t execute so-and-so move because I’m scared. In the end, the move is executed poorly. One of my first teachers, while teaching me the lay-back back in 2010, told me to trust my body. I’ll have to do just that.
Without fear and through expressing myself fully, I intend to enjoy the journey. It’s as simple as that. No tricks list, no competitions. Just focus on joy. Looking back at what I know, I know plenty of tricks. My pole vocabulary is sound and all I need to do is continue to work on what I know. But joy — that’s the most important thing that I need to experience and gain from pole dancing again. <3
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